margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
