maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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