there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
