I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
