The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
