I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
