im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
