She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
