Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
