Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
