for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
