Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
