I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
