Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
