I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
