so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
