Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
