I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am one with the molecules
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
