I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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