Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
