Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think my vagina is haunted
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
