ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
