Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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