I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When are your genitals available?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
