How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
