she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
