Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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