Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
