Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
