Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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