cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
