A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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