Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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