I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
