Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
