Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
