i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
