she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
