it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
