someone threw a dead crab at me
Fuck appropriateness.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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