its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
