based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
