I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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