Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
