I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
