I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
