oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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