and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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