He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
