we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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